I enterred my first rehab in 1980. At the time I had been speedballing, and after 18 months of inpatient treatment I had to apply these "tools" in the street where i needed them.I"ve had multiple years of true recovery but it seems for me I can't make the whole change. The older I get,the harder it is to believe in myself anymore and then I feel ashamed when I see friends I've sponsored and 12 steppedand they have 5 or 10 years of solid recovery and I'm at a meeting too ashamed to pick up another white chiI guess my question is has any ever been where I'm at now .It sucks when everyone in your homegroup turn to look at you when they ask if anyone needs a white keytag